September 16, 2008
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Subsidies – A Joke
Just thought this was funny and wanted to share it with you: borrowed from The Good Clean Funnies List ______________________________________________________________________________
Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.
Dear Sir:
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven’t raised.
My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1,000 for not raising hogs.
If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.
Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise?
Also, I am considering the “not milking cows” business, so send me any information you have on that too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.
Patriotically Yours,
PS: Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.
Comments (4)
I remember my parents sitting with their friends in the kitchen talking about this.lol
I got this from Good Clean Funnies today. I think it’s actually a few years old (it’s been quite a while since the free cheese giveaway) but it’s still funny.
@CrazyWiz - I guess that is why it sounded familiar!
I knew a guy who didn’t grow corn for a living until he found out there was more money in not growing wheat.